queendiva

…and ready to shead this weight! i have BLOWN UP over the last few months! Im back to 198 but this time you can tell. I have a double chin, my pants arent fitting right, Im ashamed to go out dancing like I used to, the boys arent looking anymore. Its time to REALLY bring sexy back! This time, I MEAN IT! i havent felt this way since I was over 200 in high school with no self esteem or self worth. Well now Im 23, smarter and more determined. I know i deserve to look and feel my best! Spring Break might be right around the corner, but Summer time… you will be seeing a WHOLE NEW DIVA!

Plan…

1 hour a day 5 days a week at the gym (oh Lord help me with this one)

Cutting my protions in 1/2

no more late night eating ( not snacking… I mean full on Chimichanga with the works at 12 midnight)

and more important…. NO MORE BEER! (dont ask me why I have been drinking beer a lot latley, but i KNOW that is where a lot of my massive weight gain is coming from)

WISH ME LUCK!

i kno it has nothing to do with loosing weight but i thought i would spread the word!!!

Went to my 1st weight watchers meeting and i lost 4.6 pounds this week!!! I CANT BELIEVE it! i am so proud of myself, i wanted to just scream! i love weight watchers! i felt so comfortable around all the women who are tryin to loose weight just like me (even though i was like half thier age) I got high fives, good jobs, pats on my back and I rushed home so i can share it with all my buddys on buddy slim! i ran in told everyone in my family! I feel amazing right now, i cant wait for next week, ima up my workout and kick ass on counting all my points!!! YAY FOR ME! next week im shooting for 5 pounds for sure

last night i found myself crying myself to sleep after doing the most dangerous thing i could have done in my diet… I made myself throw up! I went to jack n a box, ate a huge burger, fries and an orange soda, left my friends behind to go in the bathroom and threw it all up until I almost collapesd on the floor. I have never done this before, i felt like shit and when i told my boyfriend what I did, he made me feel even worse. But he just doesnt understand! Im 5′6 198 pounds hes 6′0 155 pounds hes never been fat! hes never heard people calling him “fatty” and all sorts of mean names! Hes never had to count his calories, hide from mirrors, run from the bathing suit aile… NEVER! when i tried to tell him why i did what I did he just got mad and said i was stupid! I kno what i did was stupid, but he will never understand why i did it! He thinks im beautiful, he loves my curves, he doesnt want me to change, but thats because he doesnt understand. He never will, and so many people out there never will! They cant and they wont! They can listen, they can have sympathy BUT they will never understand! sometimes i just feel like im the only one!

so0o ya I got a 7 day pass to work out at 24 hour fitness, and I can honestly say i really dont like going to the gym! I hate having to drive, get dressed bring towels and water and my ID and all that its just annoying PLUS its extremely expensive, especially for a broke college student like me! i need to come up with a new work out plan and quick cause this weight is just gonna sit here if i dont move around. I got a few plans…. a) make my own at home workout that includes running up and down my stairs ect… b) start running outside around my block c) get a DVD with work out already on em! i unno but Ive been doin good on the eating, its just the damn working out! well im sure i will have my mind made up by tommrow… hopefully

the thing i hate the most about myself is IM NEVER CONSISTENT! today is a perfect example of ups and downs! woke up ate a lean cuisine! perfecT! Went to skool got a low calorie snack out the vending machine. wonderful! Got home made a grilled chicken breast, a lil rice and ONE cheddar biscuit! yes just one! until it was time to put them away as leftovers! while no one was looking i ate 2 more! LAME! after i went to the gym with my boyfriend (who couldnt keep up with me lol) and stayed there for an hour. SWEET! then my boyfriend drags me to my favorite mexican restaurant and demands i help him eat his carne asada fries! BAD GIRL!!! but i can honestly say i only ate like 6 fries i swear! then we went back to his house and i hit the ab lounge for 10 minutes… YAY! then i followed that up with a whole pack of sour patch straws ive been craving all day!! in fact, as i sit and type i take breaks between lines to eat one! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? why cant i just be consistent!? i kno this is familiar territory to me, this always happens!! Then i will wake up in the morning and say ” well hey, you ate like a pig yesterday, why not just make ur self a tripple breakfast burrito.” hopefully tomorrow i will finally say NO

Ive been here before. Ive done this before! Ive lost the weight, put it back! I know im not the only one. I always motivate myself, work out, loose a few pounds then BAM its back to fat! I cant do this anymore… its time to make that change! I stepped on the scale this morning and found out i am the same weight i was in high school, when I was depressed and self concious. Now look at me… thinkin Im all that when im really just the same fat ass i was when i hated myself! This must stop!! I have a few motivate factors. My mom , dad, aunt and lazy sister are actually going to the gym on a daily trying to look thier best while i lay around the house! THIS MUST STOP! my best friends mom lost 90 pounds in 7 months!! YA!! and she is at least 50! im 22!!! i have no excuss! My mom even lost 9 pounds this month! My other big motivation is my best friends wedding! i kno it sounds like a corney movie title, but I am the maid of honor in my best friend of 15 years wedding and i REFUSE to be the “fat” one! today i think just might be the day i wake up, see the fat and start hitting that gym again!